A Light In The Darkness
by mayawrites95
Summary: A series of oneshots that follow Rey and Ben Solo after he makes a very different choice in The Last Jedi
1. Redemption

**A/N** : In this, Finn and Rose were never caught and succeeded in disabling the tracking device. And well, some other changes.

* * *

 ** _Redemption_**

Rey watched, confused and out of breath, as the last of the Praetorian Guard fell before her.

If she said she understood what had happened, she would be lying. One moment she went from being held captive by the force, in front of Kylo Ren, certain that he was going to cut through her with his lightsaber at the command of Snoke, and the next thing she knew Snoke had fallen to the ground, cut down by Kylo as he used the force without them knowing. She was sure she was going to die, just as he had killed his father.

Even when she was fighting for her life, against the Guard, she never stopped to think about what had happened, what it would mean for them all. Or more specifically for her and for Ben.

"It's over," she breathed, looking up at him. She changed the screen, and saw Finn and a girl she didn't recognize sneak onto the pod. She was curious as to who she was, and what the two of them were doing, but the time for questions was not now. Now was the time for her and Ben to get out of there, before any of the rest of the First Order showed up and tried to kill them. And if they were lucky, they might just both survive. "We need to go, now."

Instead, he turned to face her, breathing heavily. "It's time to let old things die. Snoke, Luke, the Sith, the Jedi. The rebels. Let it all die. Rey, I want you to join me. We can rule together, and bring a new order to the galaxy."

She felt panic fill her, dread, knowing why he had done it now. Wondering if this was his plan all along. She swallowed, "Don't do this, Ben. Don't go this way." She had to believe there was still good in him, that what she had felt was real.

"No! No, you're still holding on!" Kylo shouted. "Do you want to know to know the truth about your parents, or have you always known? You know the truth. Say it."

She felt tears fill her eyes.

"Say it."

"They were nobody," Rey said, pain filling her chest. "Don't, Ben. Don't talk about them."

"Admit the truth," he challenged her again.

"Why don't you?" she said, wiping her eyes furiously. "Why don't you admit the truth that you've been trying to ignore. I maybe holding on, but so are you. I know you feel your mother on that ship. Do you think she doesn't grieve every day? Do you think she doesn't miss you? That she's not filled with pain at every thought of having lost you? What about Luke? Yes, he told me the truth. He secluded himself off on that island, so ashamed of what he had done, so heartbroken. He regrets it with every fibre of his being, and you know it too. That he made a mistake. Don't do this, Ben. There's still time to come back from this, to go home to your mother, to come home with me. Please."

His eyes darkened. "Did they tell you this? That they **missed** me?" he spat out at her. "You have no place in this story. You came from nothing, you are nothing. But not to me. Join me," he said, holding his hand out to her. "Please," he said, the last word a whisper, filled with desperation.

"No," she said, backing away. "Come with me, Ben. You're right, they didn't tell me. Not in words. But they say it every day in their actions. They say it when Leia hesitates to attack a ship because she worries you might be on it. When she stares off into spaces, filled with pain and sorrow for hours on end. When her entire mind is consumed with grief. I can feel it in her. All she wants is for you to come home, back to her. And Luke; well it eats at him alive. I saw the way he was living, so ashamed of how things had turned out. Ashamed that he had failed you, ashamed that he had tried to kill you. Anything that could be a reminder he pushes out of his mind. Come back with me, please. And be redeemed. Your grandfather did it."

"My grandfather was weak," Kylo scoffed. "He made the wrong choice."

"Did he?" Rey questioned, moving closer to him, putting her hand in his outstretched one. "He made the choice that saved him. Why can't you? If the galaxy could forgive Darth Vadar, they can forgive you."

"They won't," he said looking at her intently. "I killed my father."

"But you saved us all. The first order will fall without Snoke to lead them. Hux is many things, but he's not strong enough to command them with the force he has. We'll attack as soon as we replenish our supplies. It will be over soon. But you need to come with me."

"So you can redeem me?" he asked. "I didn't kill him out of the goodness of my heart. I did it because I was tired of being a puppet. Because I wanted to be in control. To rule the galaxy."

"No. You did it because you were tired of being out of control. Leia told me, Snoke's been filling your head with doubts since you were a child. Filling you with fear and pain, separating you from your family. You wanted that control back. You wanted your life back. You and I both know ruling the galaxy is a secondary goal. Something you came up with now to justify the fact that you acted out of reflex. You didn't want to kill me. You wanted Snoke to stop. Come back with me, Ben. Please."

She placed his hand over her heart, so he could sense her feelings, her genuineness.

She could feel the conflict within him, the struggle between light and dark. And she prayed that the light would win.

"It wouldn't be easy," he sighed. "The Resistance would hate me. They wouldn't trust me. They would lock me up, sure that it's some sort of trap. Do you think any of them will forgive me for what happened? I've hurt too many of them. Killed too many of them."

"It won't be easy," she agreed. "But doing the right thing rarely is."

He looked in her eyes, conflicted, "You would be there for me?"

"Every step of the way," she said, cupping his face softly, running her hand over the scar she had given him. "I'll tell them what you did. How you saved us all. Please, Ben. Come back with me. Come home."

He sighed, before he nodded. "Okay. Let's go. Before your traitor and his friend make their way back to the ship. They disabled the tracker on this ship, and it'll not be long before the Rebels are gone."

She felt herself smile, knowing the light had won out. That Ben Solo would be coming home.


	2. Together

**Together**

"We'll take Snoke's ship," Ben says, as he grabs their lightsabers, and begins to move quickly to one side of the room. "The ship will leave soon, and we want to be on it when they do. At least, if we are going to do this, then we must."

"We do need to," she said softly. It didn't matter that she had a tracking beacon to Leia. That would only help her track the Rebels. No, if the First Order came in now, with proof of Ben's betrayal laying out for them all to see, then they were as good as dead.

She stretched her hand out to him, for they were in this together now. They would face it all, the First Order and the destruction they caused, the Rebels and the doubt they would hold. She was with him, every step of the way, no matter what it was that they would face.

"Then let's get going," he said taking her hand, as he led her to a door at the back of the room. He placed his hand over a sensor, and it opened.

"It's been configured," he explained to her slowly. "So that very few people have access to this room."

She followed him in, as he took a seat in the small ship there, room for barely two people in it. She sat down beside him, taking over a set of controls, as he took the other. "Cloaking on?"

"Yes," he nodded, "They're only scanning for big ships; they won't see us leaving."

"Good," she nodded. It definitely would make it easier if they didn't have to fight their way out of this, well at least any more than they already had.

She flipped the switches, turning on the aircraft, and Ben looked over at her. She could feel the uncertainty radiating off of him, through their bond, and she placed her hand over his.

"She'll be happy to have you back," she told him softly. "She's only ever wanted you to come home. Yes, she'll be mad, furious even, but at the end of the day, all she'll want is for you to be home safe and sound."

"Home," his voice echoed, sound distant.

"We need to leave, Ben," she said gently, "Before the Resistance jumps to hyperspace."

He nodded at her, and turned to what was in front of them. He flipped his switches, and the engine began to come to life.

They left the hanger, and flew in space, and her heart was racing the entire time. She was sure it was only a matter of time before the First Order found them.

They were close to the Resistance ship when she heard the voice come out across the radio.

"Approaching ship identify yourselves," she heard a voice come through. "I repeat, identify yourself."

"This is Rey!" she spoke into the radio, "We have come back from our mission."

She heard what sounded like the radio being grabbed from the original speaker by another, "Rey?" Finn's voice called out. "You're back! You need to hurry. We're about to make the jump to hyperspace, and I don't think we can hold on much longer before we need to leave."

"Affirmative," she copied, as she pushed the controls forward and they landed on the ship.

"Ready?" she asked, turning to face Ben. He had gone pale, and she reached her hand out to him. "We'll face this Ben. Together."

"Together," he echoed, as he took her hand. Gone was the formidable Sith lord, and in front of her was the boy who was scared all those years ago. Scared by the darkness. Scared by his family not believing in him.

She jumped out of the plane, and was immediately swept up into a hug by Finn.

"You're safe," he said softly, and she relaxed into her friend. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," she whispered.

"We need to go, now!" she heard another voice exclaim, speaking into a commlink. "That's the last of the people we were waiting to return. We don't have long before their tracking beacons come back online. Make the jump to hyperspace."

She felt the ship take off, speeding away from the First Order, and away from the imminent danger. But now came the hard part. Now came explaining to them all what exactly had happened.

She pulled away from and looked up at another man standing beside Finn.

"Poe Dameron," he said, stretching her hand out to him. "I talked to you over the radio. Nice to finally meet you."

"And you," she smiled looking up at him. "BB-8 was quite worried about you."

"He's a good droid," Poe said, smiling proudly. "I'm lucky to have him."

"Rey, good to have you back," she heard an older, familiar voice call out.

"General," Rey greeted Leia. She looked behind her, and knew that Ben was still in the ship, and she wondered if he had any plans of coming out any time soon.

She could see it in Leia's face, that she sensed it, that she knew something had shifted. That she could sense his presence onboard.

"Ben," she said softly, turning to the ship Rey had returned on, and immediately Finn and Poe turned to face Leia.

"Here?" Finn yelped. "You brought that murderer here? Are you insane?"

"I took a detour on my way back from Luke," Rey explained softly. "I have a bond with him. I can't explain it, but I can see him sometimes, when he's not there. I can feel him, in my mind, in my body, all around me. He was scared, he was torn."

"So you went to him," Poe spoke, looking curious.

"I went to him," she confirmed. "On _The Supremacy_."

"And?" Leia asked, looking anxious. And she knew why. Her son had returned, from years of being lost to the Light side.

"And he took me to Snoke, who tried to read my mind, and demanded Ben kill me," Rey said softly. "But instead, Ben killed him, and we escaped."

"Kylo Ren killed Snoke," Finn repeated, not believing the words he was hearing. "Are you sure? It seems like some sort of trap. That he's making you believe he changed to gain your trust and try and turn you. Or worse, kill us all."

"He's not!" Rey snapped, surprising them all. "Trust me," she said, looking up at the General. "Please. He's scared and wants to make a change. Don't you see how hard this is for him? He's terrified that you'll reject him, and that you won't want him anymore."

"Could you blame her?" Finn scoffed, "He killed his father!"

"Enough," Leia commanded. "I want to see him."

Rey nodded, and she knew Ben could feel through the bond the support she was offering. _"Come out, Ben. It's time."_

She could feel the fear and the worry, and she sent a rush of support.

The door opened, and she watched as Ben Solo stepped out of the ship. She could see the fear in those around him, unsure of whether he was going to take out his lightsaber and kill them all. Unsure of what was happening.

But none of their reactions mattered. Not when Leia stepped forward and slapped her son for them all to see.

She felt shocked, watching it happen, unsure of whether she should say something, do something. And from the worry on Ben's face she knew he felt the same. But then she did something that Rey wasn't expecting.

She pulled her son into a tight hug and began sobbing.

Rey watched as Ben held on tightly to his mother, and buried his head into her shoulder.

It wouldn't be easy, that much was for sure. But they were on track to making things right.


	3. Prisoner

**Prisoner**

He's locked up less than an hour after his arrival onto the Resistance ship. One moment, his mother is hugging him tightly, sobbing over his return while he stood there, awkwardly, and the next, a Resistance officer is whispering in his mother's ear.

He can see her face get tense, looking unhappy by the course of action she's about to take. He pulls away, looking to Rey.

In all honesty, he hadn't thought about what would happen after he left the First Order. What would happen after he decided to leave it behind and go back to the Resistance, to his family.

Rey gives him a small smile, but he knows deep down she's as worried as he is. He wasn't just an First Order officer, like the traitor Stormtrooper who grew a conscious. He was the second in line to Snoke, the one who slayed the Jedi who refused to join him, and ran off to Snoke. The one who gave the order to kill their friends and family, the one who shot some of them down himself. He wasn't a good person, and in all honesty, it was why he wasn't surprised when his mother took out a set energy cuffs.

She looked pained as she held it out to her son, and Ben understood instantly. He was still a threat to everyone on the ship, and for all they knew, he could kill them all with the use of his lightsaber.

He handed it to Rey, and she silently took it from him, seeming pained at doing so, before holding his wrists out to his mother.

"I'm sorry," Leia said softly, as she placed them around him. "We'll hear you out, fairly," she promised him. "Let you tell your story."

"I understand," he said, giving her a soft smile. He knew it wouldn't be easy coming back home. He still needed to be held accountable for his crimes, and face the punishment he deserved. It was what was fair. He couldn't expect to waltz back into their base and expect for things to be back to what they were before.

Not that he knew what before was, exactly. All his life, all he ever was, was the son of a diplomatic General and a Smuggler. Then he was a padawan. He never actually held a place with the Resistance, nor did he have anywhere he belonged to return to.

He walked, as his mother led him to the brig, where he would remain until his trial. He watched as the doors closed in front of him, leaving him inside the tiny cell.

He's unsure of how long he'll be there for, and when he'll be given a trial. He assumes it won't be a while. The Resistance need time to regroup, to find a new base, to reach out to their allies, and to gather themselves. He's not exactly high priority by any standards. Not when they finally escaped the First Order, who spend the better part of the last little while tracking the Rebels through the galaxy as they jumped through hyperspace. No, for now their safety was critical. He was secondary.

What he is surprised about, however, is that Rey comes to visit him, a little less than an hour after he's been locked up. He assumes that she would have come sooner, but was forced to debrief about her mission to find Luke, and the exact details of what happened aboard _The Supremacy_.

She's holding a tray of food, and gives him a gentle smile, as she begins arguing with the guard outside her door. He assumes it to be about her safety as she's about to be locked into a room with a notorious war criminal, which could only put her in danger.

He has a force suppression collar on, which makes him feel oddly cut off from the galaxy, from Rey, and from his family. It's not painful, not in any ways that actually hurt. But he feels different, and he's not all that sure he likes it.

Really, the only way he could hurt Rey is physically, if he really wanted to. But the thought is enough to make him feel sick. There was a time when all he wanted to do was crush her, to make her bend before him, to make her hurt.

But that quickly shifted. He wanted to possess her, to have her by him, and to have her join him.

But Rey is too full of life and energy. Too pure. She could never be captured or restrained.

"I brought you some food to eat," she said, as the door opened. He gives her a smile, as she places the tray beside her. Food had been the last thing on his mind, but now that the tray was in front of him, he was suddenly ravenous.

It's not the most generous plate of food; definitely nothing like he ate while as a high officer of the First Order. He knows the Resistance runs off rations, and as a prisoner, he was the lowest priority. Not when they had members fighting every day.

She sits down beside him, and when he doesn't offer any words of his own, she begins to talk. She tells him of her time on Jakku. How she used to sell scraps of the ship she was living on for food. How she marked day after day, waiting for the one where her parents would return.

He doesn't know why she's telling him this. They're barely friends. But then, he tried to convince her to join the Dark Side and rule the universe with him.

There's something about her, something in her, that he desperately needs. She's like the warmth of the suns on his skin after a long winter. He needs her, and he doesn't know what it is he's feeling. He's never needed someone as desperately as he needs her.

His father was always too busy, going on trip after trip across the galaxy. And his mother, a Senator, had more important things to do on a daily basis. Luke always expected him to be great. That his accomplishments were expected, not achievements.

And to all of them, he felt like he was just there. That he belonged because he existed, but that it probably wouldn't make a difference if he didn't. He was raised more by the droids C3PO and others than he was by his family.

He wanted them to be in his life, to be there as the other parents were, but he never needed them. Not like he needs Rey.

She's rambling on now, telling him how the traitor (well he supposed he shouldn't call him that now, not when he's one too) Finn, and the girl Rose, went to Canto Bight, trying to find some hacker to help them onto the ship. It should worry him, that it was so easy for them to fake their way onto _The Supremacy_ , but he supposes it's their saving grace, in the end.

She's there for a few hours, before he finally speaks. She makes the cell feel less lonely, and he is grateful for her presence. Her voice is soothing, and he could listen to her talk for hours.

"You don't need to stay," he tells her softly, "I deserve to be here. You don't."

"I want to be," she says, shrugging. "Even if all you do is brood, I want to stay here with you."

"You could be out there," he points out. He knows they landed already, at whatever planet they're inhabiting now, and the rest of the Resistance is slowly setting up in their new home. She's lived on Jakku, and he knows she hasn't been to too many other planets. He's sure wherever they are is beautiful enough to make her face light up brightly in amazement, and he doesn't want to take that away from her.

"There's plenty of time to see what's out there," she shrugs.

"Why?" he asked, after a few moments of silence. "Why would you choose to sit in here with me?"

"Because I want to," she says, moving so she's sitting beside him on the bed. "Maybe I like your company."

"I'm hardy good company," he scoffed, in disbelief.

"I know," she says, laughing softly. "Look, I convinced you to leave. I told you it was all going to be okay. That I would be by your side through it all. I'm hardly going to leave you in here alone after you sacrificed so much to be here. Despite how hard it was for you."

He feels touched by her genuineness. She could have convinced him to leave, then left him in here to rot. After all, without him and Snoke, the First Order is left vulnerable to attacks. It could have been her objective to destabilize them. Instead, she wanted to redeem him because she believed in him.

She takes his hands in hers. He's no longer shackled now that he has the force suppression collar on him.

"You deserve better," he whispers, as he holds her hands in his. Somehow, touching her in person, and not through their force bond, feels better than anything he could have imagined.

"Maybe," she shrugs, "But I want to be in here with you."

She's probably singlehandedly the most frustrating person he's ever met, but at the same time, he wants nothing more than to hold her in his arms, and as selfish as he is, he wants her to stay in here with him.

"Thank you," he says softly.

He tries to be better company. To offer her conversation in return. He can tell she appreciates it, and he makes her smile a few times.

The guard eventually kicks her out, as they get closer to the night.

He's taken off the ship the next day, locked up in a new cell. But it doesn't stop Rey from visiting, day after day, and making sure he's never alone for too long.

It wasn't going to be easy. He had no idea how long he would be locked up for before a trial, or even what would happen to him after one. For all he knew, he would be locked up for the rest of his life, not that it was any less than he deserved. But at least knowing Rey was here, that she was proud of his choices, and that she cared enough about him to make sure he was okay, was more than enough for him.


	4. Forgiveness

**Forgiveness**

He's been locked up for three days, and if Ben didn't think he was going crazy before, he definitely felt it now.

He knew Rey tried to visit as often as she could, but he could hardly fault her for having other responsibilities and things to attend to. She couldn't be expected to spend all her time in the tiny cell with him. After all, it was he who was the war criminal, not she.

But still, it was nice having her presence in here with him, having her sit by his side, as she read him stories from her favourite books, or told him about her days on Jakku. For a planet so dull and menial, she had several adventures as she tried to get her rations by selling off parts of her ship. She told him about the scavengers she worked with and the tales they told her of the battles between the Empire and the Republic. How she had believed it all to be a story, as for all she could ever remember was that horrid planet. It was hard for her, he knew, to think of life on other planets and how it would be to witness one filled with more beauty and glory than the one she was on.

He vowed to himself, as he heard that, that if he ever got out of the cell and was pardoned, then he would take her to every planet on the galaxy to let her experience the beauty. Not just because he wanted her to be able to see it, but because he wanted to witness her reaction when she did.

He's in the cell for his third day before Leia shows up. She looks pained at the sight of him, and it breaks his heart to see his mother that way. He knows she's recovering from being in space after the attack, and while he's grateful not have been the one to pull the trigger to destroy the bridge of the ship, he's horrified that it was his team that did that to her.

She looks older now, than she did before he left. Not that he had seen much of her even before his fall to the Dark Side. In the time before then, he had spent his late teen years with his uncle, but even before that, his mother was always busy governing as a Senator to be by his side.

He wonders if it was him who caused his mother all that grief.

"Ben," she murmured softly, as she entered the cell. If anything, the guard looks even more hesitant to let her in than Rey.

"Mother," he said, keeping his voice steady to the best of his ability. He's sitting on the bed, and she sat beside him. She cupped his face and he can't help but feel the warmth of it, the love in the action.

"I missed you," she said softly. "Thank you, for coming home."

"How?" he asked, voice cracking slightly. "How could you miss me after everything I had done? After I killed all those people, did all those things? After I killed my own Father? I'm a monster,"

She looked pained at that, but she did not pull away, "You did," she said softly, "But that does not make you any less my son. It doesn't make what you did right, Ben, but the fact that you feel so guilty about it means you know what you did was wrong. It's what tells me that you are not a monster, that there is still good inside of you. You wouldn't have come back if you didn't want to be here."

"I'm sorry," he said, voice breaking. "I wanted to take Father's offer when he showed up, but I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. He was making me doubt everything. All I wanted to do was turn my back on it all and come home."

"Why didn't you?" she asked him gently.

"I couldn't," he admitted, "I was scared. That you wouldn't want me back. Not after everything that had happened.

"I'm sorry too, Ben," she said softly, and he looked at her. "I should have been there more for you as a child. I should have made you my top priority, and not the New Republic. It was so close to after the war, and I needed to be sure I was there for my people, to help it rebuild. So that the galaxy never fell to that same turmoil that I had grown up in. I didn't want that for you. But instead I made you feel alone. I could sense the darkness in you, but I tried to ignore it. Or I hoped that Luke would be better suited for dealing with it. I should have stepped in, and made sure you knew how loved you were. How much I cared for you."

She pulls him into a tight hug, and he can't help but take comfort in her embrace. He wonders how his life would have been like, if only he had managed to keep Snoke out of his head. If he had told Uncle Luke or anyone that he was having doubts, instead of wallowing in them like he did.

"What happens now?" he asked, verbalizing the fear he held for the last few days. He didn't know what she would say, and in all honesty, he was terrified.

"You face trial in the morning," she told him softly. "Against the Leaders of the Resistance. They'll sentence you to a fate."

"Will you be on that panel?" he asked, unsure.

"I will," she confirmed, "But my vote is biased and won't hold that much weight. Speak to them Ben. You cannot have your actions forgotten, but they may be forgiven. You were a child who had been manipulated. A child who ran from the Jedi when he was afraid his uncle would kill him. You might have done terrible things, but at the end of the day, you killed Snoke. You brought down the greatest threat we've faced since Palpatine. The First Order will fall, it's only a matter of time now."

He nodded softly, and she stroked his hair. "Your friend Rey will speak for you too. She's to explain what happened from her view."

He felt himself grow slightly warm at her name, and he prayed his mother didn't notice.

"She's a good one, so full of fight and light. She hasn't been crushed by the weight of war. She reminds me of your Uncle Luke, when I first met him; so ready to jump into danger, without thinking of the consequences."

"She's brave," he offered.

"That she is," his mother smiled.

There's a knock on the door just then, and the guard is signalling Leia. He knows she must leave, and he feels his chest pang slightly. She stood, and kissed his forehead.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ben. I'll be there at the trial, and no matter what happens, I love you."

He felt his chest tighten as she left, filled with fear and with grief.

"I love you too," he said quietly. She nodded at him gently, before leaving the room.

He had no idea what tomorrow would bring, and even though he didn't deserve it, he hoped it would turn out okay.


	5. Trial

**Trial**

Ben stood, shackles around his wrists, in front of a council, awaiting his trial.

It had been a long night, and he would be lying if he said he had slept well. How could he, when he was up all night worrying about what would happen should he be found guilty. If they banished him to the Outer Rim, to some far off planet barely known by name. Or if he were to be sentenced to spend the rest of his days locked up for what he had done. Or worse, death for the ultimate betrayal.

Not that it was anything less than what he deserved. In fact, if he was locked up, he would claim it was what he deserved. After all, how many deaths of their officers did he cause? He had stood directly beside Snoke and gave the commands to execute half of them. He had shot down their vessels. When he was responsible for so much of their pain, how could they possibly forgive him? What he did was utterly inexcusable.

He deserved their punishment. Their words which would bind him a prisoner for the rest of his life. Just because of who his mother was didn't mean he didn't deserve to be imprisoned. In fact, it meant he deserved it even more.

"Ben Solo," Grand Admiral Ackbar said, as the others took their seats. "You stand here today, to face trial for your crimes against the Resistance, and more importantly, the Galaxy."

They were in a commanding, circular room, with the counsel of what he assumed to be the highest officers in the Resistance in front of him. There was Grand Admiral Ackbar, Commander Seastriker, Vice Admiral Holdo, and of course, his mother.

She looked tense, and was probably just as nervous as he was, if not more. He knew he deserved death, but she was probably hoping it wouldn't come to that. As least not if she could help it.

It wasn't as if they were alone. No, the entire resistance was present for this trial, wanting to see what happened to Kylo Ren, the name they feared so much, but also the son of the General of the Resistance.

He looked up at him, waiting for his charges to be laid out.

"You are accused of the deaths of the Jedi students you were training with. Of betrayal to the New Republic, and to joining Snoke in bringing destruction to the New Republic. To slaying your own father, and countless Resistance allies and officers. How do you plead?"

He looked up at them, and could see his mother giving him a soft reassuring smile.

He swallowed, "Guilty," he said softly.

"You also have been claimed to have caused the deaths of Snoke and the Praetorian Guard. Is this true?"

"Yes," he spoke again, and he could hear the Resistance members murmuring amongst themselves. Some were in disbelief. Others were in shock. And some straight up were cheering.

"The council calls the Jedi Rey, to give her account of what happened aboard _The Supremacy_ to lead to the fall of Snoke," Holdo said.

Ben watched, as Rey stood from the chairs behind him, and made her way to the centre of the floor, near where Ben was standing.

"Rey, in your own words, can you explain to us the actions that led you to bringing Kylo Ren back onto our ship?"

"When I first met Ben, as Kylo Ren, a bond was forged between us," Rey spoke loudly. "It was like I could feel what he was feeling, without having to try to sense it. It wasn't like using the Force regularly, where if you reach out, you can sense their presence. I could sense him, without trying."

She paused briefly, allowing them time to understand the Force Bond between him and Rey.

"When I was on Ahch-To, looking for Luke, I could feel Ben's presence across the force. It was as if he would appear in front of me as clearly as if he were actually there. I could sense what he was feeling, touch him. I could sense the pain inside of him, the remorse over his father. The struggle to keep the light side out, to stay committed to the Dark. A struggle that's been there for his entire life."

"A darkness he eventually gave into," Seastriker said, giving Ben a contemptuous look. "A Darkness that lead him to slaughter many."

"A darkness he was driven to out of fear," Rey argued. "He only truly turned to the Darkness after his Uncle tried to kill him."

That brought loud shouts of protests, as Rey openly suggested Luke had tried to kill him.

"Explain," Ackbar commanded.

"I asked Luke what happened that day; the day Ben fell to the Dark side. Luke had sensed the Darkness growing inside him for a while, and that night, he wanted to see how deep the darkness went. He was scared, of the fact that Snoke had been whispering in his ear for years at that point, and in a moment of weakness he had tried to kill Ben to protect them all. But he was ashamed. He had redeemed his own father, and he resolved to redeem Ben too. But before he could, Ben awoke to see his uncle standing over him, looking murderous as he held a lightsaber to him. Ben was scared, and so he ran."

"Straight to Snoke," Holdo commented.

"To the only person who ever made him feel like he wasn't alone," Rey countered.

"We're not here for speculation," Seastriker argued back.

"It's not speculation if it's the tale both of them have told me. It matched, even when told on two separate accounts. It was what happened. Maybe if Luke had been quicker to react, to put his lightsaber away, and tried to save his nephew none of this would have happened. Maybe if Ben had not reacted as quickly, had questioned his uncle, it wouldn't have happened. That, is speculation. This is fact," Rey argued against him, and Ben felt a source of pride for the girl.

"Tell us what happened on that ship," Holdo said. "Why did you go to him?"

"Like I said," Rey explained, "I could sense the struggle in him. So I went to him, to try and persuade him to come back with us."

"What happened after?" Ackbar asked her curiously.

"He took me to Snoke instead. He hoped that if I was by his side it would put the end to the battle between Light and Dark inside of him," Rey explained. "Snoke wanted me to bow before him. But I refused. I refused to tell him where Luke was. And he tried to force it out of me. He held me against my will, and the tried to command Ben to kill me. To put an end to his opposition, and to end the battle inside of him."

The onlookers were listening engrossedly, needing to know what happened next. He almost wanted to roll his eyes at them. This was his trial, not a session of storytelling.

"I tried to use the force against him, against Snoke to save myself. But the saw it coming and blocked my attempts. I was helpless, dangling from thin air, in front of Ben, as Snoke demanded he crush me, kill me and put an end to me. But Ben didn't do it. Instead, while Snoke was distracted, commanding him on how to kill me, he used the force secretly, and killed Snoke the same way he demanded Ben kill me. He saved me."

The room had gone quiet then. There were a few cheers, before Seastriker quieted them down.

"And then he came back with you?" Seastriker said sceptically, "Just like that?"

"No," Rey said and he wondered if this next part would be his damnation. At least if everything else he had done wasn't already. "He wanted me to join him. To make the galaxy greater."

"So he could rule it himself," Seastriker asked, clearly thinking he had come to some sort of victory.

"It was an easier choice. Rule the galaxy with no accountability. Or do what he had wanted for months, years even. To come home to family, even though it could mean his death. To come home and make things right, even though he had caused so much pain. He could have made an easy choice, but instead, he took the harder road."

"Or he wanted onto our base so he could slaughter us all," Seastriker said.

"I believe that's speculation," Rey bit back, causing Ben nearly want to laugh at her fiery self.

"She has a point," Ackbar said, looking at Seastriker. "Ben, why did you come back?"

"I was tired of being alone," he answered honestly. "Snoke lured me by taking advantage of the fact that I never felt welcome as a kid. That I was always alone. And when I joined him, I was nothing more than a puppet. A means to an end. He punished me over every failure, every misstep. I was nothing more than a pawn to him, and I was tired of it. Tired of fighting between the Light and Dark. I wanted to come home."

"You killed your father," Seastriker reminded him.

"I did because I thought it would help me shut out the Light. I needed to shut out the light, to be assured that I had made the right choice," Ben said quietly.

"Did it help?" his mother spoke for the first time, and he knew listening to his statement would break her heart.

"No," he said, remorsefully, "It only made me doubt myself further."

"But you didn't come home then," Ackbar reminded him. "Why not then? Why now?"

"I wasn't sure I would be welcome," he admitted, "I'm still not sure I'm welcome. But Rey reminded me that I had people who cared about me. That I should at least try, and face whatever punishment I get."

"So you would accept whatever we decide?" Holdo asked him curiously. "Even death?"

"Yes," he said instantly, and he could see his mother stiffen.

"I see," Ackbar said. "You've given us a lot to think about. We will return with a decision."

The four of them left the room, and Rey turned to him, taking his hands in her own.

"You're doing good, Ben," she assured him. "You spoke truthfully, and let them know why you did what you did."

"I know," he swallowed. "Rey, there's a good chance I'll be punished with death for my actions. And if I am, I want you to know-"

"You won't be!" she said quickly, cutting him off. He could see the pain on her face at the thought.

"I could be," he said again, "And if I am, I want to thank you, for everything. For being there for me. Every time I connected to you through our bonds, it was times I felt vulnerable. When I felt truly alone. And you made me feel less lonely."

She sniffled softly, and he wanted to hug her. But they still had an audience and the last thing he needed was for any of them to cause a riot over him having feelings.

The council came back in then, and he felt his chest tighten. Whatever decision they came up with, he would need to accept it. No matter what decision they came to, he would accept it.

They sat down, and his mother wore a stoic expression. He knew it would fall to her to deliver the verdict, and he prayed, for her sake, that she wouldn't have to be the one to deliver a death sentence to him. Not when he knew how much it would hurt her.

"Ben Solo, you have committed atrocious crimes against the Galaxy," his mother's voice rang out against the room. "Most of which are unforgiveable. You killed many of our fighters. Many of our ranks."

He held his breath, waiting for her to give him the sentence.

"But you also brought down Snoke, the leader who had been terrorizing the galaxy. You defeated the Praetorian Guard. As such, you have severely crippled the First Order. You have left them vulnerable, with only Hux as a leader. And with your knowledge of the First Order, you are more valuable alive then dead. If, and only if, you help with bringing down the First Order, we will offer you a full pardon."

He let out his breath, shocked as his mother delivered his verdict. He wasn't free, not entirely. But it wasn't as if he didn't plan on helping them if given the chance.

"We hope you use this second chance wisely," Ackbar said, giving him a stern look. "Do not make us regret this, Ben Solo."

"Thank you," he said softly, and Rey threw her arms around him in excitement.

He was free. He would live, and have a chance to try and make things right for his actions.

And that was more than he thought he deserved.


	6. The Return Of The Jedi

**Return of the Jedi**

In the wake of gaining his freedom, he doesn't feel like much has changed. The Resistance still give him wary looks when he passes by. As if they're scared at any turn he's going to whip out his lightsaber and attack them all.

It's not like he even carries it around; in fact for that very reason, he leaves it in his room so that he doesn't cause others to give him worried looks at every turn.

It's not all like that, and it's probably the only thing that keeps him sane. Rey sits with him in between training, and invites him to meditate with her, as she tries to keep up the Jedi training, even without Luke to guide her. He sits with her, and tries to give her as many pointers as he can. She's good, even if untrained, but he knows she's pure, unadulterated power. If she's to improve, then she needs some sort of training, even if not in the proper Jedi ways, to be able to control it better.

She seems to appreciate it, and he's grateful for that. While he had been pardoned on the condition of bringing down the First Order, he's felt rather hopeless lately, and helping her train gives him a purpose.

They're in the middle of one of their meditation sessions when he feels it. The presence in the force that had been hidden for so long. Luke Skywalker has made his presence known once more. He's not sure what to make of it, but from the look Rey gives him, he knows she senses it too.

"I was wondering when he was going to show up," Rey commented as she gives him a smile. She stands up, to go greet his Uncle Luke, and offers him a hand.

"I thought he said he was never coming back?" Ben asks her, raising an eyebrow.

"That's what he claimed," she shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. It doesn't take him using their force bond to know that Luke returned because of him. That he ran away because of him. But now that Ben has seemingly changed sides, it was enough to draw Luke out of his self-driven exile.

Ben hesitated as he saw Rey go to greet him. The last time he saw his Uncle, he believed Ben to be too far gone, and tried to kill him.

It shouldn't have been an excuse. It definitely did not justify why Ben fell to the Dark Side. But he would be lying if he said that it hadn't affected him. That his own Mother's twin brother believed him to be far too evil to save, and that he deserved death. That a boy on the verge of manhood deserved death, when his grandfather was redeemable.

It had hurt, and in that moment, he had felt more alone than he had in his entire life.

Rey looked at him, to see if he was coming, but he shook his head. He could be reacquainted with his uncle in due time. But for now, he would rather hang back. Besides, the Great Luke Skywalker would likely draw quite the audience, and the last thing he wanted was for everyone to see their eventual encounter. No, he would let Luke arrive and be greeted into the Resistance. And maybe later, whenever Ben worked up the nerve, he would go see his Uncle.

It turned out, however, that he didn't have to wait long. No, Luke decided that he would indeed seek out Ben almost right after his arrival.

"I told Rey you couldn't be saved," Luke says, as he sits beside Ben on the ground. He's not sure what to make of the comment. Does his uncle not believe that he was here for pure intentions? Did he, like half the Resistance, believe that Ben's presence was a trap?

He shouldn't have been surprised really. It was hardly news that his uncle didn't believe that he was worth saving.

"I was wrong, Ben," Luke said in a soft voice. "Just like I was wrong all those years ago about the darkness in you. I should have tried harder. I should have tried to understand why the darkness was able to root itself so deeply inside of you, and help you fight it. I should have been there for you, not just as your teacher, but as your uncle. Instead, when you most needed me, I let you down. I pushed you away. I tried to kill you." His voice broke over the last part, and Ben looks up at him.

"Why did you?" Ben asks, without meeting his eyes. "Why was I not worth saving?"

"I was afraid," Luke admitted. "I didn't understand how the darkness was able to root itself inside you. On the surface your life should have been fine. You had two parents who loved you, I loved you. I didn't look deeper. I didn't see how much it pained you when your father was disappointed that you wouldn't follow his footsteps. I didn't see how much it hurt when your mother channelled her energy into the New Republic. Or when I treated you as my apprentice over my nephew. I didn't realize just how alone you must have been for you to allow Snoke into your mind. I never regretted anything more than my actions in that moment. It was why I left. I betrayed your trust, and hurt you in ways that were truly unforgiveable."

"I should have told you," Ben whispered, "That Snoke was in my head. That he was trying to make me feel like I could belong by his side. I shouldn't have kept it from you. But I was scared of how you would react."

"And when I found out, I reacted exactly how you feared I would," Luke sighed. "Even now, I thought you were too far gone to save. But Rey believed in you, even when I didn't. I should have believed I could save you. I saved Darth Vader, and he was far worse than you. He only doubted himself in the end. But you, you've doubted your actions every step of the way. I'm sorry Ben. Can you forgive my actions?"

"Can you forgive mine?" Ben's voice cracked.

"Yes," Luke said, with a nod. "It was why I returned. To let you know how sorry I was that I failed you. That I forgive you. We cannot change the past, but we can change the future."

Ben nods, and the two of them sink into silence. Rey joins them later, and the three meditate together. And from the pointers, the genuine pointers, Luke seems to be offering, he thinks Luke may be second guessing deciding to train her properly.

There was still a long way to go, but for now he would keep making amends until he made things right.


	7. Avoidance

**A/N:** Other than one last reunion, this is the last one where Ben seeks forgiveness. Obviously, he has a long way to go before he forgives himself as well, but from here on out, it will be more Reylo centric.

* * *

 **Avoidance**

Somehow, Ben thinks, he preferred to face the entirety of the Resistance over Chewbacca.

Not that it should have been that much of a surprise. His father's partner is a terrifying creature, if opposed.

Not that Ben got on the wrong side of Chewie often. Sure, he would tease the Wookiee as a kid, and have Chewie growl loudly at him, but other than that, Chewie had always been a surrogate uncle to him. He had sat on the Wookiee's lap as they flew through the Galaxy on his father's various smuggling missions when he was younger.

And when he was older, and allowed to, he would sit as a co-pilot with the Wookiee.

It's some of the few good memories he has with his father. Back when he was still allowed to go on those trips. Later on, his father started leaving him behind. He might not have been interested in smuggling, but he enjoyed the time that he spent with his father during those trips. But the lack of interest in smuggling meant Han thought Ben didn't want to come anymore. And so, the trips stopped, and so did the bonding he had with his father and Chewie.

Somehow, despite being on the same base as the Wookiee, Ben's managed to avoid him. Not that it's that hard to do. It's rather easy to tell when the Wookiee is coming down a corridor from the growling. No other Resistance member makes their presence known as Chewie does.

But what he wasn't accounting for was for the Wookiee to corner him, in the canteen one day, between his training, and time spent in his room trying to avoid the Resistance members from judging him.

He's sitting beside Rey and the pilot Dameron. Honestly, he's shocked Poe is as forgiving as he is. Ben did torture him trying to find out about the map to lead to Luke. But he's one of the first to approach Ben, not scared of what he can do, or what he has done, and offers his friendship.

Ben's thankful for it, knowing he doesn't deserve it, but grateful for it anyways. It's clear the pilot is quite popular on the base, especially with the female population. And one of the few who seem resistant to his charms is Rey, which Ben is extremely grateful for.

Not that he'd ever vocalize it, but it's nice to know that she doesn't feel the need to flirt back. They're friends, and he knows if she wanted, she could date the man, or even see him casually if so inclined. But she doesn't seem interested, and definitely doesn't act the same way around him that she does with Ben.

It's also why he's so preoccupied that he doesn't sense the Wookiee coming enough to leave before he gets here. He's busy staring at Rey as she tries to apply the force to cut her apple with her knife. She has a delicacy to her that he can't quite describe, and he feels like he could get lost, watching her.

And before he knew it, Chewie is at their table and sits down beside them. He gives Ben a look, and Ben knows he's disappointed that Ben has been avoiding him for as long as he had.

His mother is too forgiving, and Ben thinks it's the human in her, that's compassionate and forgiving.

Chewie on the other hand, has no reason to forgive him. Ben killed his partner, the man who was his family. He doesn't deserve his forgiveness, even if it were offered.

Rey seems to sense the tension, and asks Poe if he wants to go talk to Finn about some mission they're going on, which he isn't invited to. He's asked for information, but he's not allowed to partake in any of their operations. Not that he expects anything else. He's still a liability.

And suddenly, Ben is left alone, with a Wookiee that may or may not want to kill him.

Chewie growls at him, and he can tell the Wookie is angry at him. Confused why Ben did what he did, hurt that he didn't take his father's offer. He could have just left. He didn't need to have carried out the choice he did.

"I know it doesn't mean much, but I am sorry," Ben swallowed. "I was wrong. I was so wrong Chewie."

Chewie growls again, _"He loved you. He only wanted you to come home."_

"I was afraid," Ben said, "I wanted to come home. I missed him so much. I missed going on trips with him and you. And I was afraid if I came home, he would shun me again."

 _"_ _You hated those trips,"_ Chewie growled at him. _"You broke your father's heart."_

"I hated the smuggling," Ben clarified, "I liked spending time with you and him. Instead, I got left with the droids while my parents were busy working."

 _"_ _Do you think that's an excuse?"_ Chewie grunted.

"Of course not," Ben agreed. "It's not an excuse. Nothing excuses what I did. That I killed my father." His voice broke, and he tried to stop himself from looking vulnerable. Not with all the Resistance Members trying to understand what was happening.

 _"_ _All he wanted was for you to come home,"_ Chewie growled.

"I wish I had," Ben said softly.

 _"_ _He would have been proud of you,"_ Chewie grunted, after a moment. _"You brought down Snoke. You've crippled the Resistance. And you fly well enough to make him proud."_

Ben swallowed deeply, trying to stop himself from breaking down.

"I'm sorry, Chewie. I'm so sorry," Ben said again.

" _It's okay, little one. Your father would be happy to know you got here in the end. We all know he was less than perfect. I could hardly fault you for the same thing,"_ Chewie grunted at him.

The conversation ended there, as Chewie focused his attention on his food. It still confused Ben how they were all so forgiving. So ready to accept him back into his life when he was undeserving of it. But somehow, they made him feel welcome back.

He had taken them for granted before. Their love wasn't explicit, but he sees know that it was there in the little things. Like how his mother always checked in on him before she went to bed. How his father tried to bring him back tokens from his trips. How his uncle pushed him so hard because he believed in Ben.

It would take some adjusting to, but maybe, just maybe, he would be okay.


	8. Training

**Training**

Rey watched, as Ben meditated on the rocks. He was far enough from the Resistance base that he could be in peace and not in the way of coming and goings of the other members.

She could see the shift in him, from when he first arrived to now. He was slowly learning to forgive himself for his actions, and slowly making amends with his family and friends that he had long since left behind. His mother made a point of sitting next to him during meals, asking him about his day, and his plans. She told him about their missions, and he offered strategic insight on how the First Order would likely respond, so they would be prepared. She knew that Ben had been instrumental in helping with numerous operations to ensure their success. Of course, it was a matter of time before the First Order decided to change their tactics, so it made it all the more important that they continued to secure wins, and brought down as many members as they could.

She could tell he was getting more confident too, that he no longer felt the need to hide as much in the shadows. She supposed with his family standing by his side, it certain helped him feel less alone. After all, the last time he was with them, he was the boy who felt all alone in the Galaxy as if he had no one to love him. Now, however, he was the man surrounded by family and friends.

There was still those who didn't trust him, and those who felt betrayed by his initial actions. Commander Seastriker was very clearly where he stood on the matter of Ben's innocence.

As she approached him, she could sense his calmness. She knew the meditating helped him clear his mind as he tried to turn further to the Light Side and close off the ways of the Dark. She knew it was easier on him, now that he no longer had Snoke whispering into his ear. It helped too, that he could shield himself with thoughts of his family and his friends.

She didn't want to disturb him, so she sat beside him on the rocks. She closed her eyes, and tried to clear her mind. It was hard, having a Force Bond with Ben, because all of a sudden she was completely in tune with him and his mind. It was different when they were on different plants, for then they only connected on the odd occasion. Being in the same room with him was enough for her to know how he was feeling at any given time.

And she was sure he felt the same, in regard to her feelings.

She felt the time pass, as she peacefully meditated, trying to close her mind to the feelings of confusion, and to relax it all. She felt herself grow more connected with the Force, and let it flow through her.

She also felt when Ben broke his connection to it, and that he was standing above her.

She opened her eyes, to see him, standing, looking down at where she was sitting.

"Is everything okay?" she asked. She didn't want to use the Force to sense how he was feeling, not when their bond could sometimes be an invasion of privacy.

"Train with me," he said softly, albeit somewhat hesitantly. Not that she blamed him. The last time he had used his lightsaber was when they were fighting against Snoke. She knew he was avoiding it, trying to let his relationship with the rest of the Resistance stabilize for a while before he pulled out a reminder of who he once was, and what he once did.

"Okay," she said, and he held his hand to hers. She slipped it in his, and felt a slight tingle flow through her. If their bond was strong when they were in the same room, touching amplified it.

She drew her lightsaber, activating it, and waited for him, curious to see what his move would be. As he dodged to the left, to swing from above, she ducked, blocking it above her head. She spun around, and attacked him trying to hit his left side, and he simply moved out of the way.

In all the times they had fought, it had felt so heated, so filled with the need to survive, to make sure he didn't hit her, or worse kill her. She had been so desperate on other occasions, to wound him enough to let her get away.

But this was different. She had no intentions of hurting him, no need to worry about her survival. Instead, it felt like dancing almost. Like they were moving against each other, with some sort of choreography.

She could feel the heat too, not just from their lightsabers, but from their bond, as it surged through her, filling her with her connection to him.

In all honestly, it was probably one of the reasons neither of them were landing any hits on the other, because she could sense what he was going to do before he did it, and he knew her moves before she attacked. So instead, they were left blocking actions which they both already predicted.

She stepped backward just then, as he lunged at her, and in her concentration on the lightsaber swinging at her, she didn't sense the rock behind her. The next thing she knew, she was falling, straight onto her back, and she hit the ground with a thud.

He smirked at her, as he towered over her, thinking he had won. He moved to swing at her, to land it beside her, to claim his victory. Furious, she swept her leg out, to catch him off balance.

The next thing she knew, he was falling as well, and she could tell from the surprised look on his face, that he very much did not predict the action.

Ben Solo landed on her, and her first though was pride that she had managed to secure a tie, at the very least in their training. The next was how close his face was to hers.

He had one arm wrapped around her waist, and the other, beside her face to hold himself above her. His face, inches above hers, so that she could stare directly into his eyes, and his mouth.

She swallowed deeply, feeling their bond pulsing deeply, as she tried to push away the feelings she was having, the desire she felt, for the man above her. Jedi were not supposed to have attachments.

But that in itself, if subtracting Ben Solo from the equation, was flawed. She cared deeply about Finn and Poe, her friends, who every time went into battle, she was left worrying over. She had come to care about Luke and Leia as surrogate parents. Even Chewie was a close friend to her. And in that, she very much already had attachments.

Especially to the man hovering over her.

She could sense the doubt in him to, the desire, the need, and she blinked curiously. Was it possible that he felt remotely the same way she did towards him?

As he made no effort to move, she decided to be impulsive. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled him towards her. As her lips met his, she could sense the initial shock, before Ben Solo began to kiss her back.

He rolled them over onto his back, so that he could better support them, and pulled her closer to him, as her mouth met his, desperately needing more. She kissed him back, happily. The bond between them surged, and she could feel an influx of emotions rushing through her, for him, from him.

If she said she wasn't falling for Ben, she would be lying. It was why she initially went to him on _The Supremacy._ She had felt his struggle, but she had been fueled too by her own emotions, her own belief in him, and feelings for him.

"I wanted to do that for quite a while," Ben groaned as he pulled away from her tenderly.

"You don't have to stop doing it," she said softly, reminding him that she still was very much on top of him, and they were very much alone from the rest of the Resistance.

"I wasn't planning on being done any time soon," he said, as a lazy smile filled his face. "In fact, I believe we have all the time in the galaxy."

She grinned as she pulled him towards her again, and their bond surged once more. She had no plans of letting go any time soon.


	9. Found

**Found**

Rey was on one of her solo missions with Poe when she sensed it. There was something off with the force on the Sentinel Base.

It has started off as a scouting mission, meant to go in and gage the size of the First Order base, the weaponry available, and the number of occupants, before the left to report the number back to the Resistance. It was meant to be a reconnaissance mission, and nothing more.

Except she could tell something was wrong.

Since training with Luke, she had learned to train her abilities. To be more in tune with the force, and to use it to sense everything around her, even the things that were small. But there was something wrong when she tried to sense what was on the base.

There was a small room, every so tiny, but she couldn't sense it. It was like it was completely disconnected from the Force, like it was being hidden.

"We need to land," she told Poe, and he gave her a surprised look.

"We have our orders from General Leia," he reminded her, "We're just supposed to gather insight as to what's on the moon and leave. We are not to engage with the base or let them know we're here."

"There's something there," she told him softly, "Something I cannot sense."

"Which means someone has gone to great lengths to make sure that whatever is there is not found," Poe mused.

She thinks later that the only reason they carried out their side mission was because Poe was the pilot with her. No one else would have been crazy to land on an unknown base with no back up in case things went terribly wrong. No one else would defy an order from General Organa so bluntly.

"If there's something on there, we need to know what it is," Rey reminded. The rest of the planet was relatively harmless, and she wondered if it seemed so to keep the Resistance from finding it, or more importantly thinking it was worth capturing. Especially when there were still a decent amount of First Order ships and bases which more weaponry.

"I agree," he said. "We'll land on the north side of the base; it looks abandoned enough that no one should stumble onto our ship. Then we must move quickly."

He landed the ship, and pulled out EL-16 blaster, and she secured her lightsaber to her waist. Hopefully neither of them would need to use their weapons. This was meant to be a reconnaissance mission, and she knew if they messed up, the entire First Order would show up within moments of a message getting out to them. And that was absolutely the last thing she needed to happen.

And given the fact that she was there, she knew it would be even faster that they showed up.

They moved stealthily through the base, knocking out two Stormtroopers, and putting on their uniforms. She moved the bodies behind some bushes, and prayed they would not wake up until long after they had left the base far behind.

She moved closer to the room. It was like a black hole, completely absent from the force, and she was confused. What was so important that someone had used Force Stealth to hide an entire room and what it contained? What was the First Order hiding?

"You there," she heard a Stormtrooper call out, as they approached, "You are not authorized to be in this section."

" _You will let us into this section. We have the clearance we need_ ," she spoke using mind tricks to get the Stormtrooper to let her in.

She could tell Poe was holding his breath, confused as to what was happening.

"I will let you into this section," the Stormtrooper said mindlessly. "You have the clearance you need."

Poe gave her a victorious smile, "Nice going," he whispered, not wanting to attract any more attention.

They were steps away from the room, when she stopped.

"We're here," she told him, "Whatever it is that the First Order is hiding, it's in this room."

"Let me open it," he commanded. She gave him an incredulous look.

"You're invaluable to the Resistance Rey," Poe informed her, "We cannot afford to lose you. As much as I'd rather not die either, I'm more disposable."

She protested, but it was too late. He had tried to open the door.

Only to find it locked.

She frowned, and took a step forward, as she used the Force, to sense the door itself, and try and open the mechanical bolts keeping it closed. She could feel it begin to shift, as the door opened up and flew open.

Poe gave her a victorious smile, and she grinned back at him.

As the stepped forward, to see what the room contained, she was surprised to find it to be more of a prison than a room which contained weaponry or anything else she could have imagined.

And she was even more surprised to find out who the prisoner inside the room was.

Han Solo.

"You're dead," she said, confused, and his eyes shot up to look at the Stormtrooper. She lifted off her helmet, and he looked surprised.

"Kid?" he asked her, shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"You're dead," she repeated again. "How are you alive? What are you doing here?"

"Snoke," Solo shook his head, "He got me rescued from the Starkiller base, and made sure I was healed."

"Why not let you die?" Poe asked, "Your son did kill you."

"He claimed it to be some sort of final test," Han shrugged, "If Ben was truly Dark, he wouldn't hesitate to kill me again. And if he failed, then Snoke would force him to kill me as a punishment. He hid me from the force, to bid his time, so everyone would think I was dead."

She heard movement from down the hall, "We need to get you out of here, now," She commanded, putting on her helmet again.

She waited, as the Stormtrooper guard they had snuck past the first time approached, and she used the force to lift him up and drop him, to render him unconscious. She stripped him of his uniform, and handed it to Han.

"Thanks Kid," he said, pulling it on, "I was starting to lose my mind in there."

They closed the prison door, and began to move, quickly, but not quick enough to draw attention. They were nearly out of the base, when Rey heard a Stormtrooper call out.

"Lock down the base! The prisoner has escaped!"

She could see a Stormtrooper look up to see the three of them, as they tried to head in the direction of their ship.

"You three, where are you going?" the Stormtrooper in front of them asked.

She turned, feeling her heart begin to race; they couldn't get caught, not now. Not when they were so close to getting off the base, and returning back to the Resistance.

Poe drew his blaster, "Run back, Rey. Take him with you."

"What about you?" she asked, eyes widening. "I'm not leaving you here alone, Poe!"

"You won't be!" he insisted. "I'm coming. Just let me buy us some time."

"Let's go, Kid," Han said, grabbing the blaster attached to his uniform, and began shooting. "The sooner we get off this moon, the better."

She nodded, as she ran back towards their ship. They were so close to escaping.

She heard a yell from behind her, and she turned to see Poe grasping his leg.

"Poe!" she yelled, "Run. We need to go now."

She ran to the ship, turning it on, as Han took a seat beside her at the wheel. She turned the ship on, as Poe made it onto the ship. The Stormtroopers were coming out in groups now, shooting at them, and she knew it was only a matter of time before they got out their own ships and began to chase them. And the last thing they needed was to have the First Order chase them around the Galaxy as they tried to escape.

"Let's get out of here," Poe said with a wince, as he sat down on one of the seats.

She nodded, and the ship began to fly into the air. Han used some of the weapons to shoot back at them, as she drove the ship forward, and off into space. And once the coordinates were locked on, they made the jump to hyperspace.

They had done it; they had gotten off the base. And even if they had strayed from their mission, they had succeeded in a way that she hadn't expected.

They were bringing Han Solo home to his family.


	10. Coming Home

**Coming Home**

He feels the shift in the Force almost immediately as if there was something missing for so long, and now it's there again. It's a presence he hasn't felt since the Starkiller base, and he feels his chest hurt as he knows that what he's feeling cannot be true. There's some sort of manipulation going on. There's no way he senses his father's presence in the Force, not when he was the one who had ended his father's life. It's not possible.

He tried to brush it off; to pretend it wasn't there. But he can tell from his mother's nervousness that she senses it too. That she's not saying anything to him about it because she doesn't believe it to be true. She doesn't believe that Han is still alive any more than he does.

He tries to reach out to Rey through their bond, to sense what had happened, but she's not responding to his attempts, and he thought she's probably occupied with her scouting mission that his mother had sent her and Dameron on.

But it cannot be a coincidence that she left for a mission, and all of a sudden he senses his father's presence through the Force.

Her ship arrives moments later, and as she lands, his mother runs to the air field. He knows she needs to see for herself what had happened. If his father is alive, and how it possibly could be so.

He knows why she feels that way, for he does too. He inches closer to the field, staying in the background but close enough to be able to tell what has happening. He cannot afford to get his hopes up; not when he is the reason his father was dead in the first place. It's selfish of him, and he refused to be that optimistic. He doesn't deserve to be optimistic.

He watches as Rey comes out of the ship, helping Poe walk down the ramp, as he's limping. Clearly he's been shot, and medics run to his side immediately to help take him to the medbay. He's wincing, but Ben can't bring himself to focus on the fact that their scouting mission must have gone very wrong.

"What happened?" Leia asked calmly, clearly thinking the same thing. "You were simply to scout the base, not to engage with the hostiles. You were not to make your presence known to them."

"They were hiding something," Rey explained, "They were using the Force, somehow, to hide the presence of something. To mask it from the Force. We needed to know what it was before we engaged, especially if it was dangerous."

"That was not your orders," his mother said strictly. "You should have asked for back up if you believed you needed to engage. Not go in alone."

"But then where would I be, Leia?" he heard a soft, but familiar gruff voice call out, and Ben's breath caught in his throat. He looked up, and saw Han walk down the ramp of the ship. "They're lucky we got out when we did. But they did save me."

"Han?" his mother's voice choked out, as they got the confirmation they needed. His father was very much alive and had returned to the base. "How?"

"I believe we all would like to know that," Holdo said. "You are very much supposed to be dead, Han Solo. So how is it that you are alive? Why are you alive? How do we know this is not some sort of trap planned by the First Order?"

"Because I can sense it," Leia snapped, "I would know if this man was not my husband."

"With all due respect, General, Seastriker said stepping forward, "But your son killed your husband. You may be slightly biased in wanting your husband to have returned. For it would mean your son innocent of patricide, and your husband alive."

"I sensed it too," Rey said standing forward. "I do not have as much of a stake in Han being alive as the General, but I can sense that it's him."

"As would I," Luke said, as he stepped forward, making himself known. "Are you questioning this many Force users in being able to identify one man?"

"He's supposed to be dead," Seastriker reminded them. "How do you explain that? The Wookie claimed he fell to his death. That there was no way he survived. So how is he here right now?"

"I fell down a ventilation shaft," Han said, stepping in. "I was dying, I could feel it. But then some Stormtroopers came, and took me prisoner. I should have died in their presence, but they healed me. I didn't understand what was going on, why they would repair my wounds, instead of left me to die. I didn't understand why until Snoke came to visit me later. He was furious that the Starkiller base fell. And he wanted Ben to pay for letting it happen. He wanted to let me know that my son was too far gone to redeem, but even if he was able to be saved, then Snoke would personally kill him."

"So why keep you alive?" Holdo asked curiously, "No offense. Clearly it's good that you are with us today. But it was easier to let you die. Why save you?"

"Because he wanted to punish Ben. To test him. To see if he truly regretted killing me, or if had embraced the Dark Side. For if Ben was Dark, then he would have no problem killing me again. And if he was slipping away, then he would be forced to kill me again as a punishment."

Ben choked on that, trying to hold back a sob. It had been bad enough killing his father a first time. If he had been forced to do it again, he didn't think he would be able to survive.

"You're home now," Leia said, wrapping her arms around his father. "That's all that matters."

His father smiled softly, and Ben could see how weary he was. Thankfully, the other Resistance leaders looked satisfied with his presence. The First Order was many things, but they would not be able to fake someone's presence, no matter how much they wanted to. Especially given the amount of Force sensitive members on the base.

"Home," Han said softly, and the other members began to give them some privacy. His mother had grieved for her husband. She deserved some time alone with him.

And so he turned to leave. His father probably would not want to see him anyways. Not after he nearly killed him.


	11. Father Forgive Me

**Father Forgive Me**

It's been a day since his father has returned home, and Ben Solo isn't sure what to think of it. He doesn't know what to do, what to say, and so he did what he does best; decided to 'brood' as Rey calls it.

He didn't know how to face his father. He had tried to kill him after all. If it weren't for Snoke's convoluted plan to have him kill his father again to prove himself to Snoke, then Han shouldn't even be alive. Ben still might as well as have killed his father.

He didn't deserve to have a relationship with him. Not after what had happened, what he had done. He didn't deserve for Han to forgive him.

He still wasn't sure how everyone else managed to have. And with Han having returned, he wondered if any of it would change.

He never did have a good relationship with his father when he was younger. He wanted to be enough for Han, good enough of a pilot, of a smuggler, even if he wasn't really meant to do either.

He knew it disappointed Han when he had decided to train to become a Jedi instead of following his own footsteps.

"Were you planning on ignoring me until one of us died for good this time?" he heard his father ask, and he looked up from his meditation rock to see his father standing in front of him. Not that he was doing a good job meditating. It was hard to clear his mind when he had so many doubts racing through his mind.

"I wasn't sure you would want to see me, give how we last parted," Ben said, as his father sat beside him.

"They were less than pleasant," his father acknowledged, before sighing. "All I wanted was for you to come home, Ben. And even if it wasn't because of me, you still did return. And that's enough for me."

"I killed you," Ben said flatly. "You should hate me."

"You tried to kill me," Han corrected. "If I hated everyone who tried to kill me, there would be no one left in the Galaxy."

"You would be dead though," Ben reminded him, "If Snoke didn't want to test me. You were only left alive because Snoke wanted to punish me."

"Well it ended up working out for the best," Han commented. "Given that Snoke is dead, and the two of us are back where we belong."

Ben didn't say anything, not trusting himself to speak.

"I should apologise to you," Han said softly, "For not always being there for you when you needed me. I wasn't a good father, as painful as that is to admit. I never had parents growing up, and I spent most of my life just trying to survive and get by. I wanted to be a good father to you, but I didn't want you to grow to resent me. I didn't take you with me smuggling because I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't want to push you to a life of smuggling when you didn't need to do it to survive, and clearly you didn't enjoy it."

"I liked being able to spend the time with you," Ben said, voice cracking. "I just wanted you to want me."

"I always wanted you, Ben," Han said softly. "You're my son. I love you and your mother more than anything in the entire Galaxy. You're my family. It broke my heart when you left, to join the First Order. All I wanted was for you to come home. But I was so afraid that you wouldn't want to. That you hated me. That you were too far gone because of me, and that you didn't want to be saved. But I should have tried harder to save you. I should have made sure you knew how much I loved you. How much I still love you."

He let out a choked sob, "I tried to kill you. How can you love me, when I wanted you to die? You should hate me."

"You tried to kill me because you were holding onto the love you had for your mother and I," Han reminded him. "Don't think I didn't see through you. I know you only did it because you were filled with nothing but doubts. That Snoke wanted you to believe that you needed to destroy your past to be able to move on. To turn to the Dark Side fully. When in reality, it was what was holding you so tightly to the Light side. You wanted to come home, Ben. I just wish I had been able to bring you home. Don't think I don't know how much you've been struggling since you returned because of what happened. Your mother told me how torn up you are about it. How can I hate you when clearly you regret it deeply?"

"Why are you so forgiving?" Ben asked his father. "I don't deserve it."

"Because you're my son," Han said looking at him. "Because I was locked in that cell for a long time, and all I wanted was to come home to your mother. And when I heard you had turned on the First Order, I wanted to come home even more. I wanted to be with my family. With you."

"I'm sorry," Ben said softly. "For pushing you away when I was younger. For not believing in your love for me. For trying to kill you. For ignoring you when you returned."

"I forgive you," he said, "Now come on. Your mother wants us both at dinner tonight. Apparently we need to start having family dinners now that we're all together. And she made it very clear that it was not a request, but a demand. You know how she can get if we don't listen."

Ben smiled at that. Somehow it felt like some things never changed.

"Besides your mother has invited Rey, and something tells me that you would be rather pleased by her presence there," his father teased, and he felt himself grow hot at that.

Maybe it wasn't too late to drop his father off at some far moon.


	12. Love In The Time Of War

**Love in the Time of War**

It's been nearly two months since Ben had come back to the base, nearly a month since Han Solo had returned home, and a little over a month since she had found herself kissing him that day while training.

And it wasn't as if it were a one-time thing. Kissing him that day was very much something the both of them had enjoyed. Something which she had enjoyed.

She found herself looking for reasons to spend more and more time with him. To spend more time alone, so that all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and draw his body to hers once more, as their bond pulsated between them.

And it wasn't as if she were the only one. It was almost as if Ben being home with his family, with his father, had made him more confident. He no longer had as much of a dark cloud hanging over his head. He no longer felt the need to hide away for days on end, as he was afraid someone would lash out at him at any moment, sure that he was going to betray them all. And in that came a certain confidence. One which he used to pull her into empty rooms while she had some free time, and used to kiss her mindlessly, until she lost the ability to think clearly.

It was a distraction, that much was for sure. But it was a distraction which she welcomed nonetheless. And if she were honest, she would admit just how much that terrified her.

She's spent her entire life alone, waiting for parents who were never returning. Waiting for them to come back and tell her that they made a mistake, or that there was some greater reason why they left her on Jakku of all places. That they did it to keep her safe from the war.

She's not used to having so many people around that she cares about. She's not used to having Leia mother her, or Luke training her, or Han teaching her differently flying techniques which she uses on her missions. She's not used to coming to rely on Ben, and the sense of comfort and familiarity he gives her. The happiness he gives her. And it terrifies her, more than anything.

It's why she finds herself training in solitude that day, trying to clear her mind from distractions and from the confusion she's facing. She's terrified. Terrified that she's going to lose them all, that something will happen. It scares her on every mission that they go on. That before one of them leaves that it could be the very last time she sees them. And she's not sure how to react to it. How does one react to being terrified that they're going to lose someone they care about? Someone they love?

And she does. She loves them all. She loves them for being like a family to her. A family she never had.

But more importantly, she's falling in love with Ben Solo, and that thought terrifies her more than she can possibly fathom. And she doesn't know what to do about that.

"You seem to have the weight of the world on your shoulders," she hears Leia comment, and the rock she's focusing so hard on levitating falls to the ground in front of her.

"I do," she confessed, turning to face Leia.

"What's causing you so much distress?" Leia asked, looking concerned.

"I'm scared," Rey said softly. "I have so many people I've grown to care about here, and I'm terrified every time we go into battle that some of them won't return. I see the casualties each time. It's not unrealistic that one of these trips someone I care about might not return."

"That's how war is," Leia said softly, "I grew up in the rise of the Empire. I watched my planet, the one I called home, destroyed by the Empire as a means to cause me pain. I watched the First Order rise in front of me, corrupting my son, and attempting to destroy my husband. I've seen countless people die under my rule. But it never gets any easier. Every loss hurts, Rey, no matter how close or how far. There's nothing I can say that will make you less afraid."

"How do you do it?" she asked, voice breaking. "How do you watch them go off to fight knowing they may not return?"

"Because I need to have hope that they will," Leia said, "And I know we have no choice. As horrible as their deaths are, if the First Order is allowed to succeed, it will be so much worse for the entire Galaxy. We fight out of necessity, not out of desire."

"I'm afraid I'm going to lose him," Rey admitted.

Leia was quiet for a moment, and she knew the woman was well aware that Rey was talking about her son. While they had tried to be discreet in their meetings, she knew that Leia suspected.

"You love him," Leia said, and Rey's silence confirmed it.

"It's not the right time," Rey said softly, "We're in the middle of the war. We never know who will come back and who will perish. Even with Snoke dead, and Ben back with the Resistance, the First Order is still holding a considerable amount of power in the universe. We need to focus on bring them down, not my feelings."

"They don't need to be a bad thing. I fell for Han while we were fighting against the Empire," Leia reminded her. "Love isn't practical, Rey. It doesn't happen when we would like it to. You can't plan for it. It happens when it does, and you can either chose to let it, or let it slip through your fingers. It's up to you what you wish to do."

"I can't lose him," Rey said again.

"Then don't push him away," Leia advised. "Ben is many things. He's resilient. He fights for those he cares about. And he cares about you as much as you care for him. Don't push him away, Rey. He can take care of himself."

She nods slowly, staring off in front of her.

"I spent many years away from Han because we were both afraid of losing the other after losing Ben. It tears at you inside. Don't push Ben away because you are scared of losing him. Tell him your fears. Let him prove to you that he'll survive. And he will. Ben isn't going anywhere," Leia spoke. "Love is a beautiful thing."

Rey sighs, "I'll talk to him."

Leia smiles at her, in a motherly way, and she finds herself growing warm. She's still terrified of losing those close to her, but having people she loves isn't something she would trade for any world.


	13. Reassurances

**Reassurance**

Rey took a deep breath as she stood outside Ben's room on the Resistance base. She wasn't all that sure what she was about to do, but she knew she needed to have a talk with him, as per Leia's suggestions.

Which to be fair, they hadn't had any sorts of talks about them or their relationship since he had returned from the First Order. All that had happened was that she and he had shared numerous kisses on various occasions. And honestly, Rey wasn't all that sure what it meant for the two of them.

"I can feel your confusion through the door," she heard Ben say as he opened it, and left her face to face with him. "Is everything okay, Rey?"

"I need to talk to you," she blurted out, and he gave her a confused look. He stepped aside, to let her into the room, and she followed him inside.

"What about?" he asked, as she stood in front of him in the centre of his room.

"I don't understand what is happening between us," she confessed. "I don't understand how we have this bond between us, that's strong enough for me to be able to feel your very emotions as if they were my own. I don't understand how I can feel you so strongly, how it almost is as if you were with me, even when you are not. I don't understand why you appear in front of me through it even when we are on opposite sides of the Galaxy."

She knew Luke was nearly as baffled as they were, and had turned to further Jedi texts to try and find answers. It wasn't often bonds were forged accidently. Bonds were generally there between a master and their apprentice. Not people on opposite sides of the force.

"It's the Force," he said softly, "We forged a bond between the two of us, even if unintentional, which allows us to be able to feel the other through the Force. If it bothers you, Rey, I can try and close it off between the two of us, so that it is not inconveniencing you."

She could sense him tense as he spoke, and she wondered if he believed that she was unhappy with their bond.

"No!" she said quickly. "That's the last thing I want. I might not understand why there is a bond, but that doesn't mean I want it to go away. I just want to know how you feel about it, Ben. I've hardly gotten your thoughts on it. Or on anything else."

He frowned at her, and she blushed, unsure of how to proceed.

"I'm afraid I must ask you to clarify," he said softly. "I don't mind the bond between us. It's what saved me on the First Order ship. It's what made me feel less alone for the first time in years. In fact, I quite like that I am able to sense you through the Force as strongly as I can. However I need you to explain further what you mean by other matters you need my thoughts on."

"We kissed," she said looking up at him. "And I don't even know how you feel about that. Or what it means for us. Or where we are going from here on out. All I know is that I'm terrified every time you go on a mission, even if small, because I'm terrified something will happen to you. I'm terrified the First Order will capture you and punish you for coming home. I'm terrified I'll lose you, and I have no idea how to proceed. I can't lose you, Ben Solo."

Her voice cracked and he looked up at her. He moved closer to her, and took her hands in his.

"Rey, I can't lose you either," he spoke softly, as he cupped her face. "It terrifies me just as much as it scares you whenever you are off saving the galaxy. I know why you must leave, but I hate that I'm not there by your side, fighting with you, even if you don't need me to save you. I care about you, and if anything were to happen to you, I would be wrecked."

She moved closer to him, and she could feel their bond between them, throbbing.

"I want to be with you," she admitted. "It terrifies me, more than you could know. I've never needed anyone in my entire life. I wanted to have someone someday. I wanted my parents to come back for me. And when I was younger I dreamed of falling in love one day. But I never needed anyone, not to survive. I was let down too many times and I learned that I was the only one I really needed to survive."

He stroked her face softly, "But I need you, Ben Solo. I need you more than I know. And I want to be with you."

He pulled her in closely, and his lips met hers. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him tightly against her, as she moved her lips against his. He wrapped an arm around her, and she sighed into him.

"I want to be with you too, Rey," he admitted to her. "Even if I don't deserve to have you. I want to be with you."

She smiled, as she held him tightly against her.

"I can't promise you that nothing will happen to me during battles, just as you cannot make that same promise yourself. But I can promise that I will never stop fighting to return home to you. That I will do everything I can to make sure that I survive. I promise that I'll be here for you, as long as you'll have me, and that nothing can take me away from you," Ben promised her, as he kissed her forehead. "I refuse to let anything hurt you, even myself."

"As do I," she murmured. "You've been hurt too many times, Ben, I will not cause you any more pain."

He pulled her in closely and she sighed into him. She knew she couldn't predict the outcome of this war, that the worrying over Ben would never end. But at least she knew that he cared about her just as much as she cared for him.


	14. A New Code

**A New Code**

Ben Solo stood in front of his Master's room the morning after he had decided to be with Rey, feeling slightly nervous.

It wasn't as if he had explicitly done anything wrong. He had stopped being a true Jedi after he left their training grounds all those years ago. He wasn't the one who should be worried.

After all, it was Rey who was the one training to be a Jedi. She was the one who held attachments to him.

But it was Ben who had grown up with the Jedi code, being lectured at every turn about forgiveness, and rising above the things that pained him. If anyone knew about how attachments were very much against the Jedi code, it would be him.

After all, his grandfather had only fallen to the Dark Side trying to save his grandmother, which had, in turn, caused the death he had been trying to hard to avoid.

And while he liked to believe that he was on the Light Side now, his chest hurt with even the mere thought of anything happening to Rey. However, he liked to believe he wouldn't go back to the Dark Side, a part of him feared that if it were the only way to save her, he might make the same mistakes as his grandfather.

"Come inside, Ben," he heard his uncle call out, before he even knocked.

"Uncle," Ben said, looking at Luke as he sat at a chair.

"What is it you wished to talk about?" Luke asked, as if he didn't already know exactly why Ben was here.

"Rey," he said, as he looked up at his uncle.

"You care for her," Luke noted. "I can sense the shift between the two of you. She cares about you too. So what seems to be the problem?"

"She is training under you," Ben said, sighing, "And I am an attachment to her. And attachments are against the Jedi code."

"That's not all that is troubling you," Luke raised a brow.

"She is also an attachment to me," Ben explained, "And I am afraid of falling back to the Darkness."

"I see," Luke nodded.

"You are not worried?" Ben asked, a bit startled by his uncle's calm demeanour, "Or going to tell me that I should stay away from her? That I am a distraction?"

"Do you want me to tell you to stay away from her?" Luke asked, a bit amused. "Would that make you feel better?"

"No!" Ben said a bit too quickly. "I may be a distraction to her, but I cannot lose her."

"So you're here to seek my permission to be with her," Luke stated. "Or at least to see if I would allow you to be in a relationship with her."

"I-yes," Ben said, looking at his uncle.

"The idea behind the code was that Jedi cannot have attachments as it makes them impartial," Luke said after a moment sighing. "The fear of loss can lead to the Dark Side, as it did with my grandfather."

"I know," Ben said, having heard this lecture before.

"But it was your attachment to Rey, to your family, that brought you back to the Light Side. It was your sense of abandonment from those you were attached to that drove you to the Dark," Luke said, looking at him. "So perhaps there is something to think of in which attachments are what can save us. My father, perhaps if allowed to have kept his attachment to my mother, would not have found answers in the Dark Side when the Light refused to help him. Maybe things could have been different."

"I don't understand," Ben said. It was a different lecture from which he had received so many times before, on the idea that they needed to keep their feelings separate.

"I'm saying perhaps we need to rewrite the Jedi code," Luke suggested. "Not completely, but to take into consideration the recent events. To take into account that compassion can be what saves us, and use that instead of instilling a fear of love. The Jedi teachings are old, but they do not need to be absolute. I'm saying that I will not stop you from loving Rey. She showed you love in a time when you felt pain and abandonment, and she saved you where your family failed to do so. If she makes you happy, I will not keep you from her, nor will I keep her from you."

"Thank you, Uncle," Ben said, feeling a loss for words.

"Now, perhaps you would like to join me for some meditation?" Luke asked, "I need to clear my head and perhaps you would like to do the same."

Ben nodded as he closed his eyes, and sat on the floor with his uncle. Perhaps things would not be easy, but they wouldn't be as difficult as he had feared.


	15. Warmth

**Warmth**

The first time it happens, Ben is too startled to know how to react. It's not like he hasn't thought about it, having Rey wrapped up in his arms as they slept through the night. He knows her presence is comforting to him, and he's sure that spending the night with her would only make him more relaxed.

But he never dreamt of actually implementing it. Of waking up to her the next morning, beside him, as she snuggled against his side.

The first time it happens, it's an accident. Their force bond must have activated through their restlessness at night, searching out the other's presence, as they were brought together.

It was how he found himself, lying next to Rey, even though she was in her own quarters, and in his. It was as if their beds had merged together somehow, giving them the presence of having one large bed, instead of the two smaller ones they actually slept on.

And he had been slightly startled, to say in the least. So much so that he had jumped out of bed, and left his quarters. Or at least gotten ready for the day and left so that when Rey woke she would not notice his presence by her side and question it.

The second time it happened, she had woken up before he had. But instead of overreacting like he had, she stayed in the bed by his side. She had moved closer to him, and ran her hands down his bare chest, curious to the extent of their bond. Given the fact that they were now on the same base, they hardly had to use the force to try and see the other. Not when he could see her in person.

It was how he woke up that morning, with Rey in her night clothes peering at him, as she caressed his face.

Since that morning, he no longer made an effort of trying to pretend he didn't like waking up next to her. Instead he embraced it all together. It seemed that more often than not, their bond sought each other out through the night, bringing them together.

It was how he came to notice several things about Rey.

For one, she rather liked cuddling with him. She would wrap her arm around his waist, and snuggle into his chest as she slept. He didn't even think she knew she was doing it, but he would always wake up to have her body wrapped around his.

Not that he was complaining, he rather enjoyed waking up to her presence. It wasn't as if their bond broke the next morning when they awoke. It only truly shattered when they both left the bed. And at that point, they would see the other at meals shortly after.

He liked waking up, with her in his arms. She always slept so peacefully, and he knew nights were not always easy on Jakku. There were many of them where she would wake up, to thieves and other scavengers trying to steal from the ruins she resided in. There were nights when attackers tried to kill her out of greed. So she could never just fall asleep peacefully with no cares in the galaxy.

It wasn't as if it were easy now. They still had to fight. They still had to bring down the First Order. And they were, slowly. They were gaining back more and more planets and systems which the First Order had under their control for so long. They were slowly winning back territory they had long since thought to have lost. It definitely wouldn't be easy, but they were getting there.

Another thing he noticed, was that she liked to be warm. He supposed it came from living on a dessert planet like Jakku for so long, but if there was something he noticed about Rey, it was that she enjoyed wrapping herself with several blankets.

And since they often woke up the next morning together, it meant that Ben more often than not found himself with Rey cuddled into his chest, and several blankets to keep them warm on top of him.

He supposed he could have said something about it, and maybe he would have if it truly bothered him. But she always looked so peaceful, so safe and relaxed. How could he, when he loved having her in his arms each morning?

And even though they woke up in separate rooms, he didn't mind that they weren't actually together.

She yawned beside him, on one such morning. He knew that he could always get up and get on with his day. After all, they did have such important missions to carry out. But he couldn't bring himself to. Not when Rey was with him, wrapped around him. Not when he loved holding her. So instead, he stayed still and thought to himself how lucky he was that she wanted to be with him. How lucky he was that she had believed in him as she had. That she thought he was worth saving, and had come to him. That she had fought to save him.

His life would have been truly different if he never crossed paths with her. If the droid never landed on Jakku and she felt a sense of obligation to bring him home.

It was strange to think, that if he never had gone after Poe, and the droid never escaped, he would still be in the First Order. Because if she hadn't gotten involved, his uncle would still be on some far off planet, his father still smuggling, and his mother leading the Resistance by herself. But ever since Rey had crossed their lives again, she had brought them back together once more.

She was special, far more than she could ever know, and he loved her for it. For saving them all from themselves. For pushing them all to be better.

"Have you been a wake long?" she mumbled, half asleep, and he pulls her in tighter.

"No," he said softly, as he kisses her on the head. "I just got up."

"I don't want to get up," she murmured. "I'm comfortable like this."

"We can stay here," he promised. "We have all the time in the galaxy."

"Good," she says, as she nestles herself into his side, and he closes his eyes. He was in no rush to change things any time soon.


	16. The Long Road To Forgiveness

**The Long Road To Forgiveness**

Rey supposed she should have addressed the Wookiee in the room sooner, however she had hoped it would never come to it. Ben seemed to be fitting in fine with the Resistance, and everyone had seemingly made up their mind on what they thought of him.

Those who had trusted him welcomed him back with open arms, glad he had returned home and were grateful to everything he was doing to aid their efforts against the First Order.

And those who didn't begrudgingly accepted his help, but tried to avoid him the rest of the time, deciding they didn't want to be around him, and that they didn't trust him any more than they needed to.

And she had hoped as Poe and the other pilots welcomed Ben back into their folds, that so would Finn.

However it seemed like the former Stormtrooper was not all that keen on his return, and more importantly on the budding relationship between her and Ben.

And it wasn't that he was vocal about it. But it was the subtle things he did. Like how when Ben came their way in the canteen, he would try and leave in an inconspicuous way, or if he was forced to stay, he would duck his head down and finish his meal before coming up with a reason to leave. If the two of them had plans to do anything, if Ben was even remotely involved, he would back out at the last minute. And if Ben's name ever came up in conversation, and around Ben's family, it did quite a bit, then Finn would grow silent, and look pained at the conversation.

All in all, it was very clear to her that he was not a fan of Ben Solo, and still believed him to be working for the First Order, despite the fact that with each day he grew further and further from being a member of the First Order, and was closer to being a member of the Resistance.

But it was clear to her that she needed to talk to him, to straighten out his misperceptions. To let him know that she understood his hesitance, but that Ben could be trusted. That _she_ trusted him. And more importantly, he could too. That he could trust Ben to have his back during missions and after them as well when they were back at the base.

More importantly, she hoped that one day, given time, that they might be friends even.

Which was why she found herself standing outside Finn's quarters, slightly hesitant.

She took a deep breath. She was never this nervous, not when facing Snoke front on. Not when she was fighting her life.

No, she was nervous, as she stood ready to talk to her friend. Because she wasn't sure she could bear it if he said he didn't want anything to do with Ben. That he wouldn't at least try. Because she loved them both, in different ways, but loved them nonetheless, and she couldn't bear it if she had to choose one of the other.

She raised her arm, and knocked three times, and when the door opened moments later, Finn looked pleased to see her.

Specifically, to see her without Ben by her side.

"Rey," he said, grinning.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked him, slightly nervously.

His face grew serious, as he stepped aside from the door to let her in.

"What up, Rey?" he asked, as she entered his room and sat on one of the chairs.

"I want to talk to you about Ben," she said softly. "And more specifically how you feel about him."

"Rey," he sighed, "Are you sure you want to talk about it? You might not like what I have to say."

"But I want to hear it!" she insisted, "I don't want you to have to hide your feelings on my account."

"I don't trust him," Finn said bluntly. "You might remember the fact that I was a Stormtrooper, but you all seem to forget what that means. It means I've known him longer than any of you, as Kylo Ren. The General, Han, and Luke might be eager to greet Ben Solo back into their midsts, but I knew him as Kylo Ren. I've seen things he's done. The people he's hurt. I was there for it, when none of you were. And I don't trust that the monster I saw do those things is the same person you all are happy to have returned."

"He's changed," Rey said, looking up at him.

"So you claim. But where is your proof? You claim he killed Snoke out of necessity, to save you. But what's to say Seastriker wasn't right? That he didn't kill him so he could gain control over it all? That he didn't want to lead the First Order. And now he's undercover to bring us down once and for all. You can't definitely say that he isn't."

"I can," she murmured. "I can sense it, Finn. I could sense the struggle in him then. I can sense the calm in him now, as he tries to be a better person."

"And I want to believe that, Rey. I really do. But I don't want to let my guard down, only to have him destroy us in the process. I couldn't bear it if he did. If any of you got hurt because of him. You're my family," he said softly.

"You could give him a chance," Rey said, "Let him try and prove to you that he's different. Let him try to show you that he wants to make amends."

"Does he make you happy?" Finn asked, after a moment. "When you're with him?"

"He does," Rey said, smiling at the thought of Ben. "I feel complete."

He seemed to contemplate that for a bit, before saying, "It won't be easy," Finn warned her. "I don't know if I can ever truly trust him. But I can give him a chance to prove that he's different. Or at least to be less opposed to his attempts of peace between us."

Rey beamed at him, "Thank you," she said, "It's more than I could ask for."

He nodded at her, smiling softly. "Now what's say we go get some food?"

Rey nodded back, as they stood to go to the canteen. It would be a long road before Ben won back the trust of the Resistance, but she was still proud of him nonetheless. He made a difficult choice, one lesser men wouldn't have done. His own grandfather never had to deal with the aftermath of his actions and trying to redeem himself. But he was trying, and Rey was proud of how far he had come.


	17. Excursions

**Excursions**

To say Ben liked taking Rey to different planets was an understatement. It was something he loved to do. He loved taking her to different places, watching her face light up in excitement as she saw how different each planet could be.

He had never really thought about it as a child, how exciting it was. He cared more about the adventure of the journey, of being with his father as he took him to different places on different adventures. Planets were interesting, but after a while, it lost the appeal. Not when he started to dislike the smuggling.

He had taken it for granted, and when he had joined the First Order, he had stopped looking at the beauty behind each place, rather trying to stay focused on the mission at hand. And trying to pretend the call to the Light Side was stronger than he wanted it to be.

But Rey is pure and sweet. Her face lights up every time she sees an ocean glimmering back at her through the clouds while she flies. Her face lights up as they run through forests trying to escape Stormtroopers. And he knows that she would want nothing more than to just truly enjoy one of these planets without having to fight for her life each time. That she would just want to be able to experience the planet thoroughly without any danger.

It was why he had talked to his Mother and gotten special permission for the two of them to go on an excursion trip to Mon Cala, an oceanic planet, with entire cities under water.

Of course Rey didn't know that their purpose of their mission was to relax for the day. Instead, she thought they were trying to secure an alliance with the Mon Calamari against the First Order to provide them with more weaponry. She didn't know that he was planning an excursion just to let her see a planet of water without having to worry about the First Order.

When they hit the surface of the planet, her eyes shine brightly at the sheer magnitude of water on the planet. And he can't blame her. There's water everywhere and he knows it's more than she ever would have imagined of seeing when they were on Jakku. It's more than she ever could have dreamed about.

"It's beautiful," she murmurs, as their ship plunges underwater, and the underwater cities grow closer. "I never could have dreamed such a place could have existed."

"They have a great local culture," Ben tells her softly, as he lands the ship at one of the ports which is oxygenated and dry. They're wearing special suits to let them walk amongst the locals, and she lights up as they step outside the port and into the city.

As they swim through the city, he can tell she's amazed at the sights. And he can't help but be too; an entire underwater city, with buildings towering high. It's different than anything he had seen before as well, and he feels a similar sense of awe.

Her hand slips through his, and he gives her a soft smile as they walk through the local 'streets'.

About an hour through their trip on the planet she turns to him, a smile creeping onto her face.

"Ben, is there actually a mission we need to carry out today?" she asks, squeezing his hand tighter.

He grins back at her, "How did you know?"

"You're always so focused on our missions," she murmurs, "You would never dally around because you're afraid of the dangers that come with it. And I know it hurts you to have to do so for my sake, because you want me to see all the planets. To experience it all. I lived in a planet covered in sand, and you brought me to one covered in water. You want me to be able to see it."

"I do," he confessed. "And you're right. I got permission from my mother to take you here. To let you see the different planets in the galaxy. I want you to be able to see it all. I love watching the amazement in your eyes. I love seeing you see it all."

"You're amazing," she said, as she wrapped her arms around him. He draws her in close, and all he wants to do is rip off his mask and pull her into a kiss. And if it wouldn't kill her, he would do it, in an instant.

"Let's go inside for a moment," she murmurs softly, and pulls him into a nearby dry building. And once they're inside, she rips off her helmet and his and presses her lips to his frantically.

He groans into her, as he kisses her back fervently, drawing her body into his. He thinks, that in if this is his reward for taking her to different planets, then he half wanted for both of them to run away there and then and spend the rest of their lives just travelling to different places.

He loves her, that much he knows for sure, and he knows he would do anything to make sure that the two of them had all the time in the world together.


	18. The Call To The Darkness

**The Call To The Darkness**

He would be lying if he said the call to the darkness was gone completely since rejoining his family. It was still there, lingering in his thoughts at his sins.

It gripped onto thoughts of insecurities he still had. That his uncle would never think he was good enough to be a Jedi, no matter what he did. That his father still didn't want to take him on smuggling trips. Or that his mother still wanted nothing to do with him, so threw herself into work to avoid having to be around him. That even Rey was using him as a means to an end to be able to bring down the First Order and no longer have to fight against him for every single battle she went on. It certainly made her life easier if she only had to fight other Stormtroopers or First Order members that were not Force Sensitive just as she had been.

It came at times he would least expect it. Like when he was sitting with Rey in bed, and she was stroking his hair through their bond absently, and he would wonder there and then if her life would be much easier without him around to have to deal with.

Or when his father would sit with him and Chewie and would make jokes of running away on a smuggling trip, except he promised to smuggle Ben out so he wouldn't have to deal with his Mother's glares after accidently missing one of their family dinners because he was pre-occupied with trying to close off the Darkness once and for all. He would wonder if he still caused his mother as much pain as he did when he had been Kylo Ren. And he would wonder if his presence was worth the pain he was causing her.

Or when Luke seemed to sigh as he saw children running around, wondering if any of them were Force Sensitive and Luke was avoiding training them because of him. Because of what Ben had done when he had been trained all those years ago. If he had singlehandedly crippled the Jedi Order for all time.

But the thing was, it wasn't as prevalent as before. It no longer haunted his thoughts day after day. It just came up in those moments when he least expected it. In those moments when he had been filled with joy and happiness one moment, and was filled with sorrow the next.

And it hurt, to think he was still Dark, no matter what he tried to do to make it go away. No matter how much he tried to prove to himself that he was capable of change, he was still just the same monster he was before, just going under a different name; his original name. and if anything, that made him all the worse than he had been before. He was no longer a boy hiding behind a mask and a false name. And if anything, that scared him all the more.

"I sense trouble in you, Ben," his uncle said, as he approached him. "What seems to be wrong?"

He pondered over it briefly, wondering if it was worth mentioning it to his uncle. Wondering if perhaps maybe it would be better for them all if he hid his feelings, his insecurities, and pretended none of them existed. Pretended that he wasn't as terrified as going dark as he thought. Because after everything he had put his family through, he knew they didn't deserve to go through it again. That if he turned back to the darkness they would kill him this time.

But it was that same thinking that turned him dark in the first place. That Snoke was able to manipulate him using to get him to join the First Order. Because he was so afraid of what he was feeling, and felt so isolated from those he loved.

"I'm afraid," Ben admitted after a moment. "That my connection to the Darkness hasn't been terminated. That I might turn back."

Uncle Luke raised an eyebrow at him, "Do you have an overwhelming urge to kill me and rule the galaxy, enslaving all the different races alike? Or is it just the urge for murder?"

He could tell his uncle was being lighthearted on the matter, and it nearly infuriated him more. But instead of lashing out, he took a deep breath.

"I feel it at times of great happiness," Ben explained, "That somehow everyone here would be better off without me. That my presence just complicates matters."

"Maybe," Luke said softly, "But it can be easily simplified. Everyone here wants you to be here, Ben. I haven't seen your mother this happy in years. I haven't seen your father and her as relaxed as they had been now ever. Even before there was always the strain of his smuggling trips and her duties to politics. But now they are truly happy, even though the same things that once strained them are still there. Because they're together and have you. Rey seems at peace, which is a lot more than I can say about her when I first met her and she was struggling more than she could say. You saved me too, from exile by proving me wrong. By proving something I never would have believed."

"What?" Ben asked, not sure what he could have disproved his uncle on.

"Rey showed it to me too," his uncle said softly, "When she came to the island. When she sensed the darkness in the planet and allowed it in, without allowing it to overtake her. That there is Light and Dark in us all. It's what makes us alive. No person is born good or evil, but it is our choices that shape our paths. And as Vader, and you both proved, it is never too late to change your path. That just because you feel the call to the Darkness, it matters what you chose to do with it, not that it is there. You are not Dark if you feel them beckoning you, as long as you know you are stronger than that, and that you are exactly where you want to be. And allow an old man an assumption in saying you are happy here, Ben Solo, surrounded by your family."

"Yes," Ben said softly, "I am."

"Which is why I am not worried," his uncle smiled at him. "It is natural to be afraid. As long as you know you are not alone."

"Thank you, Uncle Luke," Ben said softly, as he looked up at his uncle, his fears feeling lighter.

He was exactly where he wanted to be and he refused to let anything change that.

* * *

 **A/N:** As I am starting school tomorrow I might not be able to post as often :( But hopefully my semester isn't too bad and I can still write as often as i would like.


	19. Smuggling Trips

**Smuggling Trips**

His father approaches him about the mission about a day after he receives it.

And at first, Ben doesn't take anything to when his father sits beside him in the canteen, looking at him warily, as if he wanted to ask him something but wasn't sure how he should go about doing so.

"Ben," his father greets, looking a little wary.

"What is it, Father?" he asked, looking up from his meal."

"I received a job from the Kanji gang," Han says, looking at Ben carefully, "They want me to smuggle them several Thernbee which they are willing to use to write off my debt to them."

"And are you going to do it?" Ben asked, confused. Thernbee, were large creatures with psychic powers, and were generally thought to be pretty tame. So if the Hanji gang wanted them, they must have a pretty good reason.

"I don't see why not," Han shrugged. "It seems like an easy job compared to other things I've smuggled. Just grab a couple of Dart Guns and shoot a few, and the job is over."

"When do you leave?" Ben asked, feeling a little wary. While he did support his father and his choice of career, he hated knowing his father was out in the Galaxy where half the people wanted him dead.

"I was hoping we could leave first thing in the morning," Han said, looking at him. "I know you hated smuggling trips in the past, but I wanted to give you the chance to choose if you wanted to come or not, rather than make it for you. If you want to come, Chewie and I always could use an extra companion."

He smiled internally at his father's olive branch. It was nice that he had done so, offering to take him when so many times in the past he had just left without telling Ben.

"I'd like that," he said, with a nod.

It was how he currently found himself in the middle of the Almania, running through the forest as the Guavian gang chased them through the forest.

Apparently, they had set up shop on Almania, using it to smuggle out slaves to the other planets in the Almanian System, and just by Han being there for the Hanji gang, he was causing them to break their temporary alliance.

It was why they had sent in Han in the first place, hoping that an outsider on the planet would be enough to keep their alliance in tact. And unfortunately for Han, Ben, and Chewie, it was not.

"Run through the trees, Ben," his father yelled at him, as he carried one of the knocked out Thernbee over his shoulders.

"What do you think I'm trying to do?" Ben screamed back, as he used the Force to knock over several trees behind him to try and slow the Guavian gang down. If it weren't for the fact that there were so many of them behind him, he would draw his lightsaber and fight. But instead, he ran, carrying a Thernbee toward the Falcon.

Chewie growled at them both, " _Why would you tell them you're here on the Kanji's orders?"_

Which his uncle had a point. They might have been able to lie about their presence otherwise. To say that they were here for other reasons. And despite the Guavian still wanting them dead, at least it would have been because of Han and Chewie's debts. Not to send a point to the Kanji gang.

"I thought they were on good terms!" Han screamed back. "How was I supposed to know they had a fragile alliance which had banked on killing me?"

Ben turned behind him and shot at two of the Hanji members. They still had nearly five hundred metres to the ship and he prayed they would be fast enough.

"We're nearly there," Han yelled at the two of them, and Ben wanted to shoot his father. How he had let himself be talked into the trip, he never would know.

Except he did. When his father told him about the trip, he had jumped at the opportunity to spend more time with him, forgetting all the things that smuggling entailed. It was why, more often than not, he hated it as a kid. Because he was always left on the ship to keep it running as Han and Chewie ran on board, more often than not, being chased by something.

But to be fair, the trip was going fine until they had run into the Guavian gang. And even if Han hadn't slipped up and told them the truth, they probably would still be running for their lives for some reason or another.

" _Nearly there,_ " Chewie growled at them and he picked up his pace. A blaster gun shot down the tree next to him, and he felt his heart race as he ran towards the ship. It was in eyesight now, which he thanked stars for.

He ran aboard the ship, as Han and Chewie ran to the controls. As he locked the Thernbee in the cells aboard the Falcon, he took his seat and his father jumped the ship into hyperspace.

"We did it," Han cheered as he grinned at his son. "Welcome back, Ben."

Ben shook his head in disbelief at his father. "That was every bit as terrible as I remembered."

He wasn't worried about offending his father, as the grin on his face stated otherwise. Han and Chewie exchanged proud looks with each other, and he knew they were glad he had chosen to join them.

He still hated smuggling, and he probably wouldn't go on that many trips in the future, but he had to admit, he did enjoy the time he spent with his father and Chewie.


End file.
